So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
