I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
