he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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