So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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