yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
