How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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