I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
