i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
