operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
