Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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