before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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