I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
