i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
