It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
