dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
