So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
