bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
