I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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