Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
