my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
