how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
