There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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