I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
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He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
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If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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