8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
