Got a toothbrush?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
