Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You ate ashes out of my bong
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
