Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
