You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
