week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
