kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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