She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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