u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
