Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
