Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
