Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
