I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
