if you like me you must not know who I am
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
