TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
