i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
