I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
