I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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