How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize