Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
