Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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