i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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