Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
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Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
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They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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