guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize