theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
