how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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