I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
