but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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