you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
