Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
