3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
