I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
