Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize