Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
