yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
