dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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