Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
high people should be assigned attendants
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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