come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
