i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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