How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Someone shit on the floor
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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