I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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