she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
