Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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