omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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