Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
