Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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