On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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