I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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