Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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